The only reason why i am watching tv so much is so i dont have to be emotionally tuned.
its a way of keeping all thoughts out of my brain, and just be dead for a while.
If i had access to a gun i would have already been dead by now, and thats the only way that i can see myself killing myself. Just on a wim.
because when i think to much about it yes sure i say this time i will do it, but the way i do it wont be fast enough or even work.

I'm just to strong to go though with it, and i want to be weaker.

what should I do
(
im sooo lost

I lie and steal, I lie to my job sometimes to get out of work, to my friends or to my family.
I steal from my work because they dont pay me enough, and from there job my clothes get ruined.
I'm thinking of going to college just to runaway from everything.


life is moving way to fast.

I cant seem to get away from the self deprivation of basic human needs. I ignore my hunger, I dont let people close to me, I need to get rid of the evil in me.
There is so much evil here.
My head feels like a war is going on, trying to take on the other side, my other thoughts. I have constant headaches.
I want them to go away!
I am alone even if I'm with the people I love.

Even thought I have giving up cutting myself, I have picked up other ways to hurt myself. Starvation and when I do eat I purge. Being more accident pron, letting situations happen so i will get hurt.

Getting rid of my jobs.

Overdose on pain killers for the headaches but they will only go away for a short time, but they always come back, so I up my intake.

Being so obsessed with my weight and yet acting like nothing is happening, always eating infront of people.

I think I'm hurting myself, I dont want to. I dont want to harm myself or others, people care for me, but why wont I stop?